The Courtship of Emma's Mother, Chapters 1 and 2

Author: Daxilla, DAx, or Patricia L Givens (whichever you prefer)
Title: The Courtship of Emma's Mother (Multi-chapter story)
Pairing: Olivia/Natalia
Rating: PG-NC-17 depending on chapter
Chapters: 1 and 2
Spoilers: Up to the WoD. All that follows is AU.

Disclaimer #1: This story is an original work of fiction set in the hectic little town of Springfield, as seen on Guiding Light. Most, if not all, of the characters and references used within belong completely to someone else. Someone who recently found a clue but could still use a swift kick in the rear, so I have borrowed them for just a little while and promise to return them unscathed, and smiling, as soon as I am done. No gain, monetary or otherwise, is expected from their use and no copyright infringement is intended or should be inferred. (In other words, all I am really hoping to get out of this is some hot sex with my girlfriend so please don't sue me!)

Disclaimer #2: All original characters and story lines contained herein belong to the author. (Like anyone else would claim them!) This story may be archived upon request with the stipulation that it must be posted exactly as it was written, with all disclaimers intact. (Ralst and The Athenaeum don't have to ask!)

Disclaimer #3: This story does depict a romantic relationship between two women. Some scenes may be graphic, but they are lovingly so. If that bothers you than you are wound too tight for daytime TV! I mean really, how can you be okay with someone marrying their cousin's sister's nephew's son and still bitch about a well done romance between two beautiful women?? Ever hear the old saying that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones? (Unless of course they're trapped in said house, then throwing a stone or two might actually be a good idea...but I digress.) If you are under 18, then you're never going to understand the title reference. Ask your mom. (And get her to watch Otalia! We need all the MILF's we can get!) If this is illegal where you live, check your local ladies night for women in trench coats and silly hats. Hey it couldn't hurt...

I had to go into FicSec (Protective custody for fanfic authors) to write this!! The A/O shippers have teamed up with the J/7 shippers and they're threatening to arrest and assimilate my ass so...write reviews! (How that relates I don't really know but...what the hell!)

Just a quick note: Since we don't know what is going to happen I am approaching this as my own little A/U. Everything up until now is canon.

Thanks to all of the wonderful Jesbians on the What Comes After forum, to Otaliafan for providing the clips that melted my brain, to Big Purple Dreams for giving madness a home, and to Ky and Emma for sliding into Otaliawe with me. Most of all, thank you to Beep, for giving me one more thing to obsess over. (You just HAD to do it didn't you??)

Oh and BIG thanks to DiNovia and Fewthistle…for giving me somewhere to go where I wouldn’t end up crying! Now what the hell does the name mean???

This is dedicated to Emma, for supporting everything I do and trying her hardest to keep the snickering to a minimum. </fck:meta></fck:meta></fck:meta></fck:meta>

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Author: Daxilla, DAx, or Patricia L Givens (whichever you prefer) Title: The Courtship of Emma's Mother (Multi-chapter story) Pairing: Olivia/Natalia Rating: PG-NC-17 depending on chapter Chapters: 1 and 2 Spoilers: Up to the WoD. All that follows is AU. Disclaimer #1: This story is an original work of fiction set in the hectic little town of Springfield, as seen on Guiding Light. Most, if not all, of the characters and references used within belong completely to someone else. Someone who recently found a clue but could still use a swift kick in the rear, so I have borrowed them for just a little while and promise to return them unscathed, and smiling, as soon as I am done. No gain, monetary or otherwise, is expected from their use and no copyright infringement is intended or should be inferred. (In other words, all I am really hoping to get out of this is some hot sex with my girlfriend so please don't sue me!) Disclaimer #2: All original characters and story lines contained herein belong to the author. (Like anyone else would claim them!) This story may be archived upon request with the stipulation that it must be posted exactly as it was written, with all disclaimers intact. (Ralst and The Athenaeum don't have to ask!) Disclaimer #3: This story does depict a romantic relationship between two women. Some scenes may be graphic, but they are lovingly so. If that bothers you than you are wound too tight for daytime TV! I mean really, how can you be okay with someone marrying their cousin's sister's nephew's son and still bitch about a well done romance between two beautiful women?? Ever hear the old saying that people in glass houses shouldn't throw stones? (Unless of course they're trapped in said house, then throwing a stone or two might actually be a good idea...but I digress.) If you are under 18, then you're never going to understand the title reference. Ask your mom. (And get her to watch Otalia! We need all the MILF's we can get!) If this is illegal where you live, check your local ladies night for women in trench coats and silly hats. Hey it couldn't hurt... I had to go into FicSec (Protective custody for fanfic authors) to write this!! The A/O shippers have teamed up with the J/7 shippers and they're threatening to arrest and assimilate my ass so...write reviews! (How that relates I don't really know but...what the hell!) Just a quick note: Since we don't know what is going to happen I am approaching this as my own little A/U. Everything up until now is canon.Thanks to all of the wonderful Jesbians on the What Comes After forum, to Otaliafan for providing the clips that melted my brain, to Big Purple Dreams for giving madness a home, and to Ky and Emma for sliding into Otaliawe with me. Most of all, thank you to Beep, for giving me one more thing to obsess over. (You just HAD to do it didn't you??) Oh and BIG thanks to DiNovia and Fewthistle…for giving me somewhere to go where I wouldn’t end up crying! Now what the hell does the name mean??? This is dedicated to Emma, for supporting everything I do and trying her hardest to keep the snickering to a minimum.<link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAdmin%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml" rel="File-List" /><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAdmin%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx" rel="themeData" /><link href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAdmin%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml" rel="colorSchemeMapping" /><style type="text/css">  </fck:meta></fck:meta></fck:meta></fck:meta><fck:meta http-equiv="Content-Type" content="text/html; charset=utf-8"><fck:meta name="ProgId" content="Word.Document"><fck:meta name="Generator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><fck:meta name="Originator" content="Microsoft Word 12"><link rel="File-List" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAdmin%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_filelist.xml"><link rel="themeData" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAdmin%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_themedata.thmx"><link rel="colorSchemeMapping" href="file:///C:%5CDOCUME%7E1%5CAdmin%5CLOCALS%7E1%5CTemp%5Cmsohtmlclip1%5C01%5Cclip_colorschememapping.xml"><style> to a minimum. I love you, Tidbit. You're the reason for everything. <o:p></o:p></style> I love you, Tidbit. You're the reason for everything. <lj-cut text="The Courtship of Emma's Mother, Chapters One and Two">TLove is everything it's cracked up to be…It really is worth fighting for, being brave for, risking everything for. -Eric Jong     Chapter One:  Now what? "So what happens... what happens to us?" "There is no us.  You love me.  But you're going to hate me... one day for this.  I can't live with that.  I can't..." Olivia carried the last box down the stairs, setting it gently on top of the small stack that was perched on the edge of the coffee table.  She took a deep breath and looked around. So this was the last of it.  Everything else had been taken back to the Beacon by the movers.  All that was left was this small stack of her life with Natalia; her make-up and toiletries, a selection of clothes and the items that she absolutely needed every single day.  She had left them here thinking that she and Emma would come back to the farmhouse one last time after the wedding.  Spend one last night together in a place where they had both been so happy.  Frank and Natalia had booked a romantic room in town anyway, so it wasn't as though they would have been intruding. And then it had all gone wrong. She had tried so hard to keep how she felt to herself.  She had wept in private for what she was losing, keeping a smile firmly in place whenever Natalia was around to see.  She had truly believed that what she was doing, what she was willing to do for Natalia's happiness, was the right thing. So how had she allowed it to all go to hell?  Standing there, at the grave of the man who had given his heart to both of them, she had screamed her feelings at Natalia, her chest heaving with an ache she had never experienced before as she fought to convince the person she loved more than any other in this world... that they could never be together.  And every argument Natalia had thrown back at her opened the wound a little bit wider, cut into her a little bit more, until every sound, every word, every brush of the winter air on her face was like a knife across her skin.  And in the end she had forced her heart to go cold, taking Natalia by the hand and leading her back to the church, to Frank, while she wondered if she would ever feel warm again. She should have known the cold wouldn't last. Standing there beside Natalia, listening to her speak her vows, she couldn't stop the tears that coursed down her cheeks.  She had held each breath she took a few beats longer than she should, trying to force an ache that would give her something, anything, else to focus on. Then Natalia was gone.  For a moment she had been dumbstruck, angry at the wild hope that had flared with unwelcome strength within her chest.  Then she had followed her... found her... heard her say the words she had been secretly dieing inside to hear.  But hearing them did not wipe away the shame that had followed in their wake. And she knew.  Natalia could never be hers.  She would always be God's, she was Emma's...and she could even be Frank's.  But not hers.  Never hers. So she did the only thing she could do to save them both.  She broke her own heart...for good this time. Olivia sighed heavily as she took in the room around her.  Everything about it screamed Natalia and she swallowed, willing herself not to cry again, she had done enough of that the night before.  After her daughter had fallen asleep she had cried for hours, and not just for herself.  As miserable as she was, she knew that Emma had lost just as much.  She had lost the home and the woman she loved, just as her mother had.  She couldn't even bring herself to let Emma come with her today, choosing instead to send her off on a sleepover with one of her little friends. Olivia laughed bitterly.  A year ago the pain she was feeling would have eclipsed everything else in her life, including her daughter.  But living with Natalia had taught her about living for other people. Something in the top box caught the sunlight streaming in through the window and Olivia stared at the small glass figurine for a few moments before finally picking it up.  Tears tracked down her cheeks unchecked as she studied the delicate crystal duck in the center of her palm.  It had shown up on the small shelf above her bathtub sometime after Natalia had teased her about her and Emma playing with the ducks in the back yard.  There had been a post it note stuck to the wood beneath it, written in the younger woman's slanting script: 'The Olivia Spencer version of a little bathtub ducky."  How pathetic was it that she still had that post it note? Olivia closed her eyes tightly.  Was there anything that didn't hurt?  Would she ever reach a point where it just wouldn't matter anymore?  Somehow, she didn't think so.  But that wasn't the worst part.  Not by far. The worst part was that she didn't want it to.  Because the hurt from loving Natalia was better than not having a piece of her at all. Olivia gasped as a sharp pain cut through her hand.  She opened her fingers to see that she had snapped off the corner of one delicate wing.  She stared absently at the blood that was welling up through the cut.  It wasn't serious enough to worry about and it gave her something else to focus on, if only for a moment. "Olivia?" She clenched her fist as she looked up, her heart spasming painfully in her chest when she saw Natalia leaning up against the entryway to the kitchen.  For a moment, their eyes locked, then the brunette frowned as she noticed the red drops collecting on the floor at Olivia's feet. "Olivia??"  She quickly moved to her side, prying open her fingers to gently pull the crystal figure from her grasp. She set the duck carefully on the table and ran to the kitchen, returning with a towel and a small first aid kit.  She pressed down on the cut, frowning when Olivia winced.  "I think there's a piece of glass in there.  What happened?" Olivia closed her eyes, savoring the warmth of having the other woman near, the gentle touch of her fingers along the edge of her bleeding palm.  "No.. nothing."  She swallowed and shook her head.  "Accident." "An accident?"  Natalia shook her head.  "Okay, sit down."  She pressed Olivia down onto the couch and placed her hand palm up on her thigh.  She opened the first aid kit and pulled out a set of tweezers, some cotton balls, and the hydrogen peroxide.  She cleaned the tweezers thoroughly before using them to fish the small triangle of crystal from the cut.  She poured peroxide on the wound, then covered it with a bandage, holding on to her fingers tightly for a moment before releasing her.  "There.  All better?" Olivia snorted.  "I'm not Emma." A flash of pain traveled across Natalia's features, then she sighed and let it go.  "No, you're not.  But that doesn't mean I can't try to keep you from hurting." "Little late for that." Fire replaced the hollow, lost look in the younger woman's eyes. "Now wait a minute, you're the one that walked away." "And you're the one that let me go." Natalia swallowed hard, flinching at the pain she heard in those quiet words.  "I needed... a little time."  She stood up and moved to the fireplace, trying to put some distance between them.  It had always been hard to think when Olivia was close to her, but lately she found that she couldn't even put two words together; the other woman's presence just seemed to overwhelm her, leaving her caught up in her voice and almost drunk on her scent.  She cleared her throat, trying desperately not to think about the way Olivia's hair smelled.  "I needed to think." Olivia sighed.  "About what?"  She stood up, looking around for her keys.  There was one she still needed to remove from the ring. "About... us..." Olivia froze, grateful that her back was to the other woman.  She fought to keep her voice even and her body from trembling.  "I told you, there is no us." "Olivia..." "No!"  The older woman let her shoulders slump.  "I can't keep doing this with you..." "Olivia..." "I can't keep tearing my own heart out.  I don't think that's what you had in mind when you gave it to me."  She breathed in harshly, unable to stop the sobs that shook her frame and broke her voice.  "I can't keep hoping and failing..." "Olivia..." "I'm done with this."  She picked up the little crystal duck, her eyes flooding when her finger ran across the jagged edge of wing. "Olivia!"  Natalia finally snapped.  She reached out and grabbed the older woman's hand, taking the statue away from her.  She looked at it for several long moments before finally meeting Olivia's eyes.  "I can fix this."  She whispered. Olivia brushed the tears from her face.  "You can't fix everything." Natalia smiled.  "I disagree.  According to Emma there's nothing that can't be fixed with enough crazy glue." "Well,  you've got the crazy part down.." The younger woman rolled her eyes.  "You know, now I understand why you've been married so many times.  Are you always this difficult when someone is trying to ask you out?" Olivia blinked.  "You...you're trying to ask me out?" "Well…..yeah…I mean... I think that’s…how things like...like... this... are supposed to start right?” Olivia tilted her head to one side, her mouth quirking slightly as her eyes danced for the first time in days. "What?"  Natalia straightened her sweater self consciously. The other woman shrugged.  "I kind of assumed...I would be the one to ask." Natalia's eyes widened slightly in panic.  “Well I don’t know how this goes!!” “Have you ever been the one to ask? Someone out, I mean?"  Olivia asked curiously and then held her breath when the corner of Natalia's mouth quirked up adorably, showing one of her dimples in all it's glory. "No.."  She pouted slightly and Olivia had to fight the urge to run a fingertip across that lower lip.  "but….then…this whole thing is something new, right?  So I figured.. why not start at the top?" The older woman smiled gently.  "Okay." Natalia looked like she was holding her breath.  "Okay?" "Okay." "Well....okay!" Nat straightened her shoulders.  "I'll pick you up in an hour at...uhm... the bottom of the stairs?" Olivia managed not to laugh but couldn't stop the gorgeous smile that transformed her face. Natalia had been backing away and found herself so enchanted by that smile that she ran into the corner of the couch.  Stumbling slightly, she pointed her finger at Olivia.  "Stop it!" "Stop what?" The brunette frowned.  "Just... don't be late!" Olivia watched her go, the heavy hammering in her chest making her feel like she was alive for the first time in weeks.  Chapter Two: Buying Trouble It couldn't be this simple. Olivia slid her hand across the mirror, wiping away the steam so that she could look herself in the eyes. It couldn't just be a matter of telling Natalia that she loved her, hearing her say it back and then moving on to the next step. It could not be that easy! Nothing for her was ever that easy. Everything she ever wanted, everyone she ever wanted, she had only gotten after a series of long, drawn out battles. Battles that had earned her many of the epithets that were slung at her most days of the week. The saddest part was, whenever she had emerged victorious from a fight, it never took her long to realize it had been more about the winning then wanting the prize. But it wasn't like that this time. This time, she didn't want to fight... she didn't want to win. All she wanted was Natalia. Olivia swallowed, laughing quietly at the mist of tears that filled her eyes. "What the hell is wrong with me?" She ran her hands through her wet hair. "When did I get this soft?" The smile faded to a look of longing as images of deep brown eyes and dimples filled her head. Soft laughter, gentle touches, warm caring and the simple joys of living with someone that understood her on such a fundamental level; someone who simply shook her head and rolled her eyes when she was being bitchy or childish, ignoring her until she got over herself. Having that every day of her life... that had made her soft. What astounded her was that she actually liked it. She liked trading the bar hopping for Friday movie nights, rushing straight home after work to watch Natalia cooking dinner in their kitchen instead of meeting some random guy at Towers, only to end up sneaking out of his room at four in the morning. Her eyes widened. Sex... She didn't even miss sex! Olivia blinked at her reflection. Okay, if she was honest with herself, she did miss sex. She missed it a lot. What she didn't miss was the anonymous partners and illicit affairs that used to define her. Somewhere along the way she had found herself buying into the whole one person, one partner deal she had always laughed at before. She had found herself daydreaming of lovemaking that occurred naturally after a night spent laughing and talking. Lovemaking that was slow and sweet, that would fill her with emotion she could feel all the way down to her toes. And her imagination had very definite ideas about who she wanted that with. Olivia shook her head, trying to clear it of the images those thoughts always carried with them. Natalia was nowhere near ready for that, and fixating on it was sure to make their first date more torturous than it already looked to be. But still... it wouldn't hurt to show Natalia a little of what might be ahead of them... Would it? She picked up a bottle of the perfume Natalia had mentioned liking in the past. She turned it upside down for a moment, then pulled the stopper, running it across both sides of her neck before trailing it lightly between her breasts. A wicked smile curled up the edges of her lips as she raised one eyebrow at her own reflection. "Shame on you!" She whispered, grinning happily as she went to find the perfect thing to wear. *************************************************************************** The bottom of the stairs was lonely when she finally arrived there twenty minutes later. She was tempted to follow the sounds she heard coming from the back of the house, but didn't want to risk messing up any plans. Instead she wrapped her hand around the balustrade and leaned into the living room, being careful not to step down from the first stair. "Natalia?" "You're early!" The other woman squeaked from the kitchen. There was the sound of something crashing and then Natalia appeared, looking flustered and beautiful as she brushed the hair back from her eyes. "I didn't think you would even be on time let alone earl..." Her voice trailed off and her jaw dropped slightly as she took in the woman standing at the bottom of the staircase. Her eyes started at the knee high black boots that wrapped around her calves, then traveled up the slit in the side of the creme colored silk dress she was wearing. It was tight in all of the right places, accentuating her curves while still leaving a great deal to the imagination. Her gaze lingered just a touch too long over the low cut neckline, so that when their eyes finally met, a lovely red flush had spread across her cheeks. "You... uh...you..." Natalia swallowed and waved her hand up and down in Olivia's direction. "Yeah.." Olivia smiled. "Thank you... I think. " She tilted her head to the side and took in the younger woman's appearance. She was wearing black slacks and a midnight blue poet's shirt, the ruffled cuffs hanging long over elegant fingers and the drawstring collar open to expose the smooth skin of her upper chest. The color was perfect, turning her eyes into inkwells that seemed to sparkle with their own internal light. She smiled gently. "You're pretty... 'yeah', yourself." Natalia blushed even harder and looked down at the floor as she smiled. "Thanks." "So!" Olivia cleared her throat, knowing that if she didn't ease the tension she'd never get off the stairs. "Where are you taking me?" "Taking you?" Natalia blinked. "Uhm... about fifteen feet thataway." She pointed to the kitchen then hesitated for a moment before reaching out her hand. Olivia took it slowly, twining their fingers together as she felt her knees go weak from the simple contact. Unable to speak, she allowed Natalia to lead her through the living room and into the kitchen, where she pulled up short, her mouth forming a perfect 'o' of surprise. The kitchen table had been covered with one of their best tablecloths, then set with the dishes and glasses she kept for strictly special occasions. There was a bottle of wine chilling in a ceramic cooler and the table was completed by brightly lit tapers in crystal candle holders. It was beautiful and perfect and altogether romantic. She reached out to flip off the overhead lights only to have Natalia grab her hand. "No!" The younger woman swallowed. "Uhm... I think it would be better if we left those on... you know... this time." Olivia swallowed her disappointment. "When did you do all this?" Natalia shrugged, her attention absorbed by the long fingers she was stroking absently with her thumb. Finally she took a deep breath and dragged her attention back to the question. "Mostly this morning. I called Jane to see if you had dropped off Emma and she told me that she wasn't sitting for you today, that you had let Emma go to a sleep-over because there were 'things' you had to do this afternoon." She shrugged again as she bit her lip. "I knew you'd show up sooner or later and I wanted to be ready... just in case." Olivia nodded slowly, suddenly grateful she hadn't come in through the kitchen. Everything Nat had done was wonderful, but she couldn't shake the sad feeling that was overwhelming her. "So... You never planned to take me out." She pulled her hand away. "Is this how it's going to be, Natalia? Hidden dinners and secret dates? You're still ashamed..." Natalia's eyes had gone wide. "No!" She closed her mouth quickly, frowning at herself. "Okay, maybe a little but not for the reasons you think." "What other reasons could there be?" The younger woman grabbed both of her hands and held them up to her chest. "Olivia, I am ashamed of so many things. I'm ashamed that I spent so much time lying to myself, that I allowed myself to nearly marry a man I didn't love because I couldn't bear to let go of my lies. But most of all, I'm ashamed that I ever hurt you." She blinked back her tears. "And yes, I am confused and I don't have a clue what I'm supposed to do, but I'm here...with you... and there is no one else I would rather be with." She rested her forehead on their joined hands. "I want to do this right... I just thought... our first time…. our first date would be easier if it was just us….not us and the whole world." Olivia swallowed. Unable to speak, she stroked Natalia's cheek gently. They stayed like that for several minutes until the older woman finally ended the moment. "So," she said softly, her voice rough with emotion. "I'm starving. What are you going to feed me?" Natalia released her, running her hands over her face before picking up potholders and opening the oven door. The scent hit her full force and Olivia couldn't help laughing. "Tuna noodle casserole??" "What?" Nat flushed. "I only had an hour! Give me a break! I'm flying by the seat of my pants here." "Wouldn't be a bad way to fly." Olivia mumbled under her breath, smiling innocently when the younger woman glanced at her sharply. "What?" "Nothing!" She shrugged and pulled out a chair, sliding into it as she looked up at Natalia expectantly. "Let the date begin." *    *    *    *    * Olivia studied Natalia intently as she moved about the kitchen.  There was something about watching her cook that had always appealed to Olivia, this occasion was no exception.  Maybe it was her enthusiasm, or the grace and happiness with which she approached a task that most others would consider mundane.  Whatever it was, it filled the older woman with deep sense of contentment she had never experienced before.Olivia raised one eyebrow curiously as Natalia brought the last dish to the table, setting it down in front of the older woman with a shy smile."Are those...?"  She lifted the glass lid, her eyes closing in appreciation as the steam bathed her face, carrying with it the delicious aroma of one of her very favorite side dishes."Snow peas with garlic butter and cracked black pepper."Olivia shook her head in amazement.  "The last time I asked for these you said they were out of season!""They are.  But Daisy told me about this little farm about a half an hour outside of town where they grow everything indoors.  I called and they had them so I went and picked some up."Olivia blinked.  "You..."  She swallowed against the sudden ache in her throat.  "You drove an hour in the snow...to get me peas?"Natalia shrugged but her face turned a light pink.  "It wasn't snowing that hard.""You were pretty sure I would say yes, weren't you?"The brunette smiled.  "I had faith." Olivia felt her stomach drop slightly.  She carefully put the lid back on the dish before unfolding her napkin and draping it across her lap.  "In God..." she said quietly.  How is this ever going to work?  I can't compete with an entire religion...  She was so lost in her own thoughts that she jumped when she felt warm fingers slide over her own.  She looked up into dark, expressive eyes and felt the coldness that had started to take hold of her melt away."In you." Nat said simply.Olivia bit the inside of her cheek to try and control the silly grin that threatened to hijack her lips.  She almost succeeded."But!"  Natalia released her hand and clasped both of hers together. "Speaking of God..."  She closed her eyes.  "Dear Lord, thank you for the  life and the breath you have allowed us this day, thank you for the family that we hold dear and the many forms of sustenance you provide.  Thank you for the love you allow us to feel and to share..." She glanced over at Olivia, her eyes so full of emotion that the older woman thought she might drown in it.  "Thank you for tomorrow and the next day and the one after that, all of them stretched out before us, full of hope and possibilities.  Amen.""Amen."  The whispered word fell from Olivia's lips before she could stop it and she found herself fighting a blush as Natalia looked at her curiously.  "What?  It's the first prayer I ever completely agreed with!"Natalia just smiled.Olivia grumbled quietly to herself as she picked up her fork.  A second later, all was forgiven as she took her first bite of the casserole, followed immediately by an enthusiastically speared snow pea.  She made little happy sounds in the back of her throat as her lips turned up in a silly smile, her upper body wiggling slightly in her seat.  For a moment, there was just her and the food and rapture.  Then she opened her eyes to see Natalia's grinning face and she swallowed quickly.  "What?""Nothing."  The brunette let out a happy sigh."That didn't sound like nothing."Natalia picked up her glass of wine and sipped from it slowly.  "Have I ever told you how much I like to watch you eat?"Olivia's eyebrows looked like they were trying to crawl off her forehead.  "I beg your pardon?"The younger woman laughed.  "You have this image you project whenever you're out in public... at least whenever Emma and ice cream aren't involved.  It's like you want everyone to think that you have this internal power cell that runs on nothing but sarcasm and martini's."  Her smile softened as her eyes sparkled.  "But when you're home... it's like you let all those pretenses go and you just enjoy yourself, enjoy the food.  Honestly sometimes, when my back is turned, I can't tell if it's you or Emma at the table.Olivia blinked innocently.  "I'm sure I have no idea what you're talking about."Natalia flashed her dimples, causing a crack in the older woman's calm demeanor."Then again, maybe it's just being with you.  I mean,"  She smiled back, looking directly into deep brown eyes.  "The food is great, but it doesn't compare to the view."Whatever reaction she had been hoping for, the brief look of confusion and hurt that flashed across Natalia's face wasn't it."I'm sorry."  She immediately reached for the younger woman's hand, only to sigh heavily when it was withdrawn.  "Are you upset because you think I was insulting your cooking or did I just push a little too hard?""It isn't... that's not...""Then what?"Natalia looked everywhere but in her eyes.  "That just sounded like... it came a little too easy for you."Olivia frowned.  "It did come easy!  Apparently you've forgotten the part of this where I'm in love with you!"  She saw the brunette's body tremble at her words and felt an echoing shiver run down her own spine.  "What am I missing here?""You..."  The younger woman sighed.  "You seem pretty accustomed to flirting with women."  She finally raised her head and Olivia recognized the hurt in her eyes for what it was. "You think I've done this before!"  She said in amazement."Have you?""Natalia, you know me.  When have I ever backed down from a fight I knew I could win?  From something I wanted that I knew I could have?  Do you honestly think, if I wasn't at least as screwed up about all of this as you are, that I would have ever let you get anywhere near Frank and that church?"Nat looked at her hopefully.  "So that's a no?"Olivia pinched the bridge of her nose between her thumb and forefinger.  "That would be a no."  The sigh of relief from the other side of the table surprised her.  "You know how many time's I've been married and I'm sure you have a rough estimate of how many lover's I've had.  Why would it be so terrible if I had a little experience in this particular area?"Natalia shrugged.  "I'm aware that you're no angel, Olivia.  But those were all men and... and I know that it's ridiculous, but I feel like... like maybe we've been given another chance to get it right.""Natalia..."  Olivia's couldn't help the snarky little grin that curled the edges of her mouth.  "I don't really think you get a do-over on virginity."The younger woman blushed, turning her olive skin ruddy and, for a moment, Olivia flashed on what she might look like in bed.  The powerful surge of desire that shot through her left her body weak and her mouth dry."I know that."  Nat idly ran her index finger up and down the tines of her fork, causing Olivia's breath to catch painfully.  "But the fact that this would be something... special between us, something...""Pure."  She finally understood.  "That's how you made peace with this, isn't it?  We're both pure..."  She rolled her eyes slightly.  "...more or less, in this area and that makes it good in your book?"Natalia's shrug was almost imperceptible this time.  "It makes it real..."  She said softly.  "It puts us on level ground with each other."  She tunneled her fingers through her hair, leaving it tousled and slightly messy and looking for all the world like she had just been thoroughly made love to.Olivia swallowed and shook her head slightly.  She had known she was attracted to Natalia for months, but the desire to be with her had never been this acute. "And I guess..."  Natalia smiled shyly.  "I guess the fact that neither of us has been... with a woman...  makes it about you and me, about how much we feel for each other and not just... about... sex.""Okay,"  Olivia said slowly.  "I can see that. But Nat, you do know that's something I want right?""What is?""Sex."Natalia had been sipping her wine and promptly choked on it, coughing wildly as she sputtered, "Not on the first date!""No, no, no, sweetie, I'm not asking you for sex."  Olivia couldn't help smiling.  "At least not tonight."  She took a large drink of wine.  Here's to dutch courage!  "How I feel about you... it's big, and it's real and... it eclipses everything I ever thought I knew about love..."  She felt her heart swell painfully at the beautiful smile that lit up Natalia's face.  "And I know that it's only going to keep growing.  I know that... because it's been getting stronger every day.  That means that sooner or later, more than likely sooner, it's going to manifest in a more...physical aspect." Natalia's eyes widened slightly.  "Oh.""I'm not trying to rush you, that isn't what I want.   I just need to know that you want this relationship to grow, that you want us to share our lives... "  She sighed.  "And... eventually... a bed."  Natalia opened her mouth to speak and Olivia held up a hand.  "Because sweetheart, this kind of marriage,"  She waved her hand between the two of them.  "It's a long way off and if you are going to hold us to that particular standard... well... eventually I'm going to turn into a major bitch."The younger woman swallowed.  "Do we have to talk about this now?  I thought we were going to ease into things."Olivia raised one eyebrow.  "Oh I'm all for easing into things."Natalia looked scandalized.  "Olivia!"The older woman stopped playing with her.  "You know I want you to take all the time you need, Natalia.  I just need to know that we both see this going to the same place and that we both want to work towards that... together."Natalia crossed her arms over her chest and fought down her embarrassment long enough to whisper, "Yes."  Olivia flashed her a wicked smile, causing Nat to grab up her napkin and throw it at the other woman.  "Shut up and eat your peas!"</lj-cut>

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2 comments

ariestess

July 5 2009, 03:03:40 UTC 2 years ago

Okay, I'm really liking this little AU you've set up. I like that Natalia's both insecure AND slightly being the aggressor in asking Olivia on the first date.

Nicely done!

karjens40

July 10 2009, 02:23:50 UTC 2 years ago

This was just absolutely tremendous. So beautifully written that covered just about every emotion, though I did briefly suffer from April WoD flashbacks heh.

Love love loved it.

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2 comments

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The Courtship of Emma's Mother, Chapters 1 and 2

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